Curt Thompson, the author of The Soul of Shame, writes, “Those parts of us that feel most broken and that we keep most hidden are the parts that most desperately need to be known by God, so as to be loved and healed…God came to find Eve and Adam to provide them the opportunity to be known as he knows anything else. For only in those instances when our shamed parts are known do they stand a chance to be redeemed. We can love God, love ourselves or love others only to the degree that we are known by God and known by others.” (126-127)
All in all, Shame is a matter of Identity. God’s word instructs us on who we are and whose we are. Our belonging is in Christ because He has identified with us by declaring us as His people and taking on flesh. Knowing our identity in the Lord helps us to walk in God’s purpose for our lives. Yet, the enemy uses shame to keep us from God and therefore the inheritance and blessing of life with God. Through shame, the enemy is looking to lay claim to your identity and keep you from your inheritance.
We can see this clearly when looking at the story of Adam and Eve. They were made beautifully and wonderfully in God, the creator of the universe. He had given them an identity, place, purpose, and parameters for thriving, for freedom, and for relationship with their God. We all know what eventually happens in this story. When Adam and Eve were prompted by the serpent, they began to question their identity. The serpent eventually says “did God really say …” and “you won’t die!” The first thing the enemy will come to do when you try to walk in your purpose and follow the Lord is make you question your identity and what God has said to you. The serpent was, in effect, calling them out of their identity and purpose. This started to strain their relationships with the Lord and each other because the serpent made them question their identity and belonging in God. The serpent was making Adam and Eve question if what God said was actually true, and that is exactly what shame does. When we listen to shame it can sound a lot like ‘Are you sure you can do that thing God called you to? Because you look pretty unequipped?” “Did Jesus really cover you in his righteousness?” “Are you really forgiven?” “Is what God says about who you are true?”
The enemy will use shame to displace us and have us running and looking for our belonging in anything except for Christ. Shame leads us to hide, blame, and run for cover just as Adam and Eve ran and hid for cover. Adam looked away from God and searched for fig leaves with which to cover himself and hide his shame. Eve did the same. They both sought independence from God, lost interest in one another’s flourishing, and only looked out for themselves. Adam blamed Eve for what had happened. Then he blamed God. Eve blamed the serpent. So, the question to ask when the enemy comes knocking at your door is- will you trust God and His word? Will you let Him be Lord and experience what it means that He has claimed you as His own? Shame will try to twist your identity into something it’s not. And that’s when you will start chasing after identities through idols.
“You weren’t meant to be God. You were meant to be image-bearer, son, daughter, steward. ”
The truth is our worth, value, dignity is not a measurement that goes up and down. You got it in full. As Brene Brown says, “Your worth is non-negotiable.” Our worth is found in Christ and is defined by God alone. It’s not grounded in or determined by what you do. It is all defined and characterized by the all-loving, unconditional, gracious God. When you think your worth and identity is something you have to earn, you, in effect, negotiate with Jesus and your relationship with him. You negotiate your belonging to Him. It’s time for us to have faith in Jesus as King and decide we are not going to negotiate who we are and or our worth with anyone.
If your baseline of reference for your worth is the Lord, then anything that opposes you or hurts you could never take hold of your identity. This means we need to put our faith to test. As long as you’re caught up with shame, you’ll never walk in what God has for you but you’ll be stuck in a cycle of shame and comparison. When we trust in the Lord we can live in freedom and grace. When shame feels overwhelming the Lord is saying to us, “You don’t have to question who you are because I’ve already breathed it in you. You don’t have to earn and work and toil for love and belonging- I’ve already given it to you.”
But what does it look like when we negotiate our worth? We start to negotiate our worth with others when we look to please others, their standards, and their expectations of us. This robs us of hope and joy. Instead of living out of our worth and identity in Christ, we wait on others to tell us who we are and then walk in it that instead of walking in the Spirit. Often times we negotiate our worth with ourselves through comparison. We all collectively tend to run and hide because shame makes us believe that if people saw our real selves, flaws, and everything, maybe they wouldn’t want to stick around. We have to really meditate on the fact that God has chosen and claimed us as his own and we don’t need to seek it through others or our idols. All we want we have been given in Jesus which means our belonging in Him is unshaken. We don’t have to earn belonging or worth with Jesus because all of that was declared through Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. This liberates us and frees us to love and be vulnerable with others. It frees us up to make mistakes and yet experience forgiveness and grace. Freed to live by faith.
Sometimes the things shame says to us feels more real than anything. However, God’s word is everlasting and is a lamp for our feet (Psalm 119: 105).
“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Shame can often be a secret inner battle that everyone deals with to one degree or another. But God is beckoning us to hold onto hope unwaveringly and believe in what Jesus accomplished on the cross and in His resurrection for us. Even further, I think we need to learn to wrestle with God and His word when we enter battles with shame and disbelief because God wants to speak to us when we are waiting for healing and His promises. The Israelites over and over fell into idol worship when things got hard, they stopped believing in the God of their promise. Just like the Israelites, we want God to show up on our terms and for it to look a certain way. But is it not the Lord who determines your position and station? Did the lord not free them from slavery and send Jesus for them? Did He not claim victory over your life and give you an inheritance, and His holy spirit as a seal? Is His power not in full? Are not the promises of God for you? Is He not fighting your battles with you and securing victory? The Lord is inviting us to be refreshed by His word about us and Himself. He is inviting us to watch Him conquer the shame in our lives. So we must hold fast to Him.
This is our God! No one has got the victory for you like Jesus. And shame only promises defeat. No one has justice for you like Jesus. His kingdom is coming. Jesus has inaugurated the kingdom and is calling you to be kingdom builders with Him. Where the first will be last. And the last will be first. The world didn’t give it and the world can’t take it away. In the midst of your pain, amid injustice, your God is making himself known to you and your truest self is being born because of your union with Christ. Battling with shame is not easy. It’s complex and difficult. The Lord is not asking us to have it all figured out, but He is asking us to come to Him so he can begin healing us. The question is will you run to him instead of running away? Will you let yourself be seen by Him instead of hiding? It’s time we confront the shame in our lives and seek healing through our union with Christ. The Lord God is with you. Acting on your behalf in all His sovereignty and divine love. Enter into His rest.